Frame Of Mind…..Unknown

He’s been home for at least 2 weeks.  We10306243_668228416582325_5678370558473657183_n‘ve had several talks. One turned a bit ugly and I removed my wedding ring and haven’t put it back on.

We’ve each been seeing our own therapist but, for the first time, today we went to his…..together. I was completely honest admitting that although I feel love for him, I don’t feel an intimate love or the “in love” feeling.  It was incredibly hard knowing that much of what I had to say was hurtful to him. Ever since leaving the therapist’s office I feel an enormous amount of sadness.  I’ve been crying on and off and feel exhausted.  I 10348210_627431810676634_4665841531549860042_nguess dragging up the past events, once again, will do that to you. Or am I grieving the loss of our marriage?

My mood swings have been off the charts. Right now I’m so anxious and sad and the next moment happy and hopeful. I hate the indecision, causing me even more anxiety.  I will remind myself that no decisions need to be made today and remember to breathe.

I hope tomorrow is a better day!

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17 thoughts on “Frame Of Mind…..Unknown

  1. There must be something in the air, because today seems to be about Limbo. I think it’s great that you were able to express yourself so deeply to his therapist, and regardless of how it makes him feel, it’s what you feel and it needs to be said…to him, so don’t feel bad about that. He’s the one who put your heart in this place, and I’m sure you weren’t rude when you expressed your feelings. I’ve had the same conversation with my husband many times, and while I’m not
    trying to promote here, I understand exactly how you feel and what you mean
    by loving him but not intimately, I wrote a post about exactly that in April
    http://shatteredheartnsoul.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/i-love-him-but-i-am-not-in-love-with-him/ I invite you to read it if you haven’t yet, and perhaps show it to your husband so he knows you’re not alone in your feelings toward him. I think its important for him to understand your (the BS’s) confusing, complex and loving heart strings.

    You’ve got it off your chest, now you need to comfort each other in that it doesn’t mean at all that you don’t love him, but what it means exactly. Thinking of you–hugs.

    • I just read it. Happy for you that you’re getting there. I, on the other hand, have NO desire to be intimate with him in any way. My D-day was 10 years ago and Long buried and never thoroughly dealt with. Several red flags….emails, lies etc have brought me right back to 10 years ago….which by the way, was a year long affair. Don’t think I can get past the fact that he lied to me every day for a year….regained about 80% of my trust only to over the next several years get caught lying again….Several times! Like I’ve said before the difference now is he is getting help and doing all the right things. However, I’m just not feeling it. I’m left with the fallout….other marriage issues throughout….I am exhausted and getting older. Want my next 10 years to be happy and good ones. Without trust….I don’t know what we would have! 😦

      • I’m so sorry 😦 It is nice that he’s getting therapy, and trying to fix his wrongs, and I understand too, sometimes its a little too late. I feel that way often, though I do have that slight draw to him still..barely, but its there.

        And as for the getting old, I’m right there with ya. It’s a scary place to be, I ask him all the time to just let me go if his hearts not in it for me. And the problem with that as he assures me he is, like you…I don’t known if mine is, I’m so back and forth. Hopefully therapy, in time can work for you both. I wish you whatever makes you happiest xo.

  2. Unfortunately I don’t have the option of therapy. Might I ask what his therapist and perhaps yours if they’re aware..what they said about your not having intimate thoughts toward him? I’m trying to figure out how to fix myself on that one too.

    • My therapist said that if I am able to get to some point of acceptance… We could b stronger than ever. There have been other aspects of our relationship that have turned me if to him. When I said today with his therapist that the one thing I can say with certainty is that I can and will NEVER trust him again he said I need to think which direction I want to go… Try and make it together or go on with life apart. Part of our problem is letting things and feeling go on for soooo long without thoroughly dealing with it. So much time with resentment!!

      • Resentment is hard, it consumes us, and nothing good ever comes from it. I try so hard to focus on happiness rTher than th k ngs that cannot be changed, but it is so hard sometimes. That’s good they think you guys can do it..if that’s what you want though. I hope you get what you want, I’ll be pulling for you. 🙂

  3. God, I SO get what you mean. I do find myself questioning whether I’m “in love” with him as I’m just not feeling it. When I’m logical, I know it’s because I still feel numb from what’s happened – in shock almost. When I’m not quite so balanced, I feel it must be because deep down I should walk away. I think all we can do is just keep breathing. I read somewhere that there will come a point in the process where we’ll just know what we want to do next and you can’t rush getting there, it’ll happen when it happens. I know it’s not much consolation but you’re not alone x

  4. zebrawoman says:

    The end of a relationship is just like a death, so it’s natural to grieve at random times. I’m just as guilty.

  5. Ah, betrayal. Pain. Rage. Emotion spilling and boiling over the edges of our soul. Betrayal is a funny (not ha-ha funny) thing. Do not give him, or the betrayal, your power…keep it…feel it…experience it…and make your own decision. The one that works for you. See a therapist. Talk it out. Take your time, a break if you need one. Life does not come with guaranties, and you will (although it may not feel that way today) be able to handle the situation, however it turns out. Be true to yourself – because – you are one of the very few – you will be able to count on.

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