Letter To My Husband

Do you really think that my feelings for you images-32wouldn’t be affected? Do you really think, through all these years of betrayal, you could have your cake and eat it too, with little to no consequences?

How many times do you think I can forgive and go on as if everything is fine? Is it not human nature to feel the love lessen…a little bit through the never-ending betrayals? Do you feel as if I don’t have a right to my feelings? Is it right for me to ignore how I feel because of my compassionate and forgiving nature? Do you feel I should continue to bury what I feel in fear of how what I say will make you feel?

There are things that you experienced early on in life that you say aren’t fair to you….just as what you have done to me through the years is not fair to ME!! At what point do you stop blaming circumstances and life events for your many lies and betrayals?  Could it be when you looked me straight in the eye saying it’ll NEVER happen again and promising to come to me first before acting on any deceitful thoughts and feelings?  That was the here and now….a conscious promise made in the present!!

 Do you think I’m saying these things to purposely hurt you or punish you? Because I am not!  This is the fallout from all of the many times you betrayed your vow to me…your vow of monogamy!  These are the feelings I am left with.  I have finally forced my head out of the sand.  I have finally and honestly allowed myself to face it all straight on! I’ve finally forced myself to examine my feelings, wants and needs in life and I’m still working through it.  I have chosen to put myself first.  My priority is working on me.

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15 thoughts on “Letter To My Husband

  1. Love this… Its so hard to put ourselves first and not feel like we’re being selfish but Im happier for putting me first and my happiness just like yours MATTERS! Our feelings matter and our voices matter.. Whores sit quietly and dont complain or speak up because they KNOW that the cheater that is with them will walk away and has no loyalty to them or care about thier opinions or if they like where they are eating or going… Nope.. those whores can live quietly.. Us real women who know our worth should say what we feel!!

    And I see ur spouse feels like your trying to hurt him by expressing your feelings.. Funny so does mine.. Im like seriously!?!

    Im going to school this summer for a better career not a just a job and the ability to support my kids and myself and if I finally decide to leave I will be able to without needing his money (not much of it) or house or car or anything…
    You got this girl! Speak up.. Decide what YOU want..
    I had to start slow. My first me decision was literally – GET OUT OF BED ALREADY!! hahaha.. Now Im focused, I love my current job, which will be an extension to what Im getting certified to do. My kids are excited for me..

    We got this shit handled! 🙂 *woman power*!! hahaha been studying all day.. sorry feeling a little silly

    • Lol. .. Thank you so much for your support. He will be back next Friday and these are some of the things I have to tell him. When I said in this letter “do you think I’m purposely hurting you”… I don’t really know he’ll be thinking that but anticipating it. Don’t want to hour him with it all just as soon as he gets home but won’t be able to wait to long either. Can play the game anymore and can no longer pretend with the status quo!!

      • The first things I found out about anything was at least 10 years ago so we’ve just carried on through the years.. Through each “happening”…. This past year or so… He dreads leaving and can’t wait to come home while for me… it’s been the opposite!!

      • Interesting… I may have to read thru you past blogs when I have time. Im scared of staying and being 10 years later and never being truly happy again. I LOVE my husbands two weeks of nights were we dont really see each other at all. It gives me time and time to just miss him… But each night I wonder and ask myself what SPECIFICALLY do I miss and Im really finding out theres nothing specifically that he does that makes me miss him. I think I miss the idea of him, my husband.. Not sure if that made sense..

      • It makes sense. If you have time read my “betrayal” series…. There are ten parts…. Most of them are short except the very last one part X! 🙂

  2. When I step out of my own shoes, I can imagine there are few things worse than looking into the eyes of the spouse who has loved you, supported you, believed in you and been faithful to you. While you lied, cheated and destroyed what took years to build. It must be like looking square into a blinding white light. At some point, you just HAVE to look away. I have heard similar words from my husband. Phrases like “when are you going to just put this in the past?” “why can’t you just focus on NOW?” “why can’t we concentrate on our FUTURE instead of our past?” To be fair, he is working hard in IC and MC. But unless you have walked in the footsteps of the betrayed, you will never totally be able to understand how very many emotions there are to process.

    • The emotions and feelings I am dealing with have been hidden away for over 10 years. My emotions are all over the place. It’s almost as if he’s left me with no choice. At some point I have to love myself enough to put me first!! The years are ALWAYS just below the surface!! Thank you for your comment! 🙂

      • I think the emotions and experience have some distinct differences when the affair has been over for some time. Ten years is a long time! My husband had ended his affair a year and a half before the OW outed it spitefully when she finally quit the company. I rode the roller coaster of doubt and suspicion while it was going on, always choosing to believe him and trust him. Then after he ended it, I did feel a decided shift back towards our marriage. I could feel that he was “all in” again. I have tried hard to hold onto those feelings of renewal through the devastation of finding out the horrific truth. I think in some ways it is better and in some ways it is worse to find out later.

      • I had found out 10 years ago… And buried it! Several other things throughout the years…. And more recently .. Brought it ALL back to the forefront!! Best of luck to you! 🙂

  3. I don’t understand your pain. I never will. I understand where you’re coming from though. I was in the exact place your husband is. I pray he is getting help. I understand what he’s going through and I do understand his pain. I had serious stuff go down early on as well. I used it as a crutch. I came to accept my responsibility just today. If in ever going to get better, I have to stop blaming my childhood. I make the choices now. Your husband doesn’t seem to have learned that yet. Hopefully he will.

    I e been in therapy for this stuff since October, I just figured it our today. IF he gets counseling and IF he takes it seriously and IF he’s able to trust the therapist and open up, he’s got a shot.

    I’m proud of you for putting yourself first. If your situation is anything like mine, and after tasting one post it sure sounds like it, he put himself first for many years and you went along with it. That’s what happened with is at least. My Bride finally put herself first and started taking care of her. She kicked me out if the house 3 weeks ago today. All of a sudden we’re both growing exponentially. It took getting kicked out for me to REALLY get it.

    God bless you, this can work

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